Raise the bar and reach for the stars...

The weeks following Terry's birth were difficult.  I would often find Clint holding Terry and staring at him.  It was more than an adoring father staring at his baby.  It was deeper.  I once asked him what was wrong.  He looked at me and said, "He looks so normal.".  My response was that he was "normal", but what did that really mean?  It's funny how one small thing, such as a chromosome, can alter how you view the world; how you look at your baby.

Our friends and family would come to meet Terry, and the most asked question was either "Are you sure?" or "Could they be wrong?".  Not only did we have to keep telling people that he had Down syndrome, like it was an extra birth stat: date, weight, DS, but we had to keep saying, "Yes, we're sure" or "No, I don't think the Geneticist, when counting, accidently skipped 2 to get to 3".  His physical characteristics were very mild. It was hard to see it unless you were looking for it.  But WHY should we be looking for it?? 

I made a very conscious, and immediate, decision at that time, that no action or inaction on my part would negatively impact Terry.  He was normal so why would we treat him in any other manner?  

I quickly moved through the process to acceptance.  It is a grieving process.  The loss of the "perfect" child is a very profound and difficult thing to face.  However, as you move through the process, you find that your definition of "perfect" changes. Terry was perfect, and he was still the same little boy that I gave birth to.  He still had potential and aspirations and hopes and dreams.  He still would grow up, fall in love, graduate, and be a successful and productive member of society.  The limits were still the sky.  I made a choice that he would not receive a "pass" in life because he had 3rd wheel chromosome.  He would be be held to the same expectations as Cailyn, and he would turn out to be an outstanding young man.

Holding a child to high expectations is not a bad thing.  All children want to please the people they love.  They want to make thier parents proud.  They want to receive praise.  If you tell them it's okay to get Cs and Ds in school, only a handful of children will strive for the As and Bs because it's in their nature.  Most will step up to meet the "expectation".  However, if you tell your child that you believe they can get As and Bs and that you will be proud of them as long as they do their best, they will rise to that challenge.  Set the bar high and accept and love them for who they are.  You do, however, have to have realistic expectations. 

So in the very early weeks of my son's life, he taught me a few life lessons.  1.  The definition of "normal" is very fluid and constantly changing and 2. Never let anything or anyone make you lower your hopes and dreams for your child.  Every child is capable of capturing the moon and the stars--you might just have to give them a different net.